The management response about the souffle was funny but the review itself was very revealing. With all the mountains of information available on nearly every professionally run lodging choice out there, why would someone who didn’t like fancy breakfasts or eating them in a formal setting among other guests choose that place?

Frankly, I find most of these public reactions from overly picky, and quick to publicly punish a property type guests are coming from personality types that make many an innkeeper scratch one’s head about why on earth does this type of person choose a B&B type property to begin with?

This is a labor of love for the vast majority of us, but its troublesome to constantly host people that really have no business choosing a B&B as their lodging.

Entering our sixth year of operation we’ve come to the conclusion that some of this stuff is really in the no-win category for innkeepers. You keep it too casual and just toss guests their keys and they judge you for being vacant and not fully catering to their individual needs. You put up a few crucial informational signs or give a couple minute long verbal tour at check in and you’re perceived as hovering, oppressive and overly protective of your property.

I think there is a middle ground on most things and when traveling myself, I know it when I see it.

That is also the approach we try to take at our B&B.

When we first opened, we had zero little signs, check in took about 5 minutes and the list of guest caused issues and headaches our first several years was substantial because we assumed EVERYBODY was keen to etiquette, manners, respect of other’s space, property, desire for quiet, blah…blah…blah..

While still minimal on signs, rules and overt rigidity, we have adapted to the laws of human nature in order to protect the experience for all of our other guests, the property and us.

When this becomes a teeth gnashing experience for us too regularly to the point where we can’t overwhelmingly trust most if not all guests to do the right thing here or act appropriately most of the time is the when we can no longer provide the love and joy that is a signature characteristic of a stay at our place.

My take on signs in general is keep them minimal, small, professional looking by printing on computer with a nice layout, really friendly and stressing mutual respect, etc. They also should only be for subjects that if ignored could negatively impact other guest’s enjoyment or cause infrastructure problems like plumbing, life safety, etc..

On the other subjects of signs and septic systems. I’d be happy to not put signs funny or not in any rooms, if each and every guest agreed to sign a “damage responsibility” contract with us upon arrival. This would give them the choice to do as they please, but know that if they clog our plumbing, trash our rooms, linens, towels, ruin other guest’s stay with noisy, rude or inappropriate behavior (almost 100% of our problem guest issues involve excessive alcohol consumption) they’ll be financially liable.

I’m sure that idea would go over like a lead balloon with most of the traveling public.

Humorous signs aside, I certainly haven’t “gotten” the joke on the multiple occasions that we’ve had to absorb an expensive Roto-rooter bill with no available recourse from the guilty guest. Nor was it ever funny to inconvenience the other guests who did follow one of the few “rules” in place around here. It also has been hard to laugh about the stress and embarrassment of having our normally 99% smooth as silk operation go awry a few mornings because some female guests feel “shame” over what they were instructed to and are supposed to put in the trash.

With at least two rolls of toilet paper in every guest’s restroom, multiple boxes of kleenex combined with overtly helpful and approachable hosts one of whom is female herself, it amazes me to think some women would still feel entitled to do as they please in this regard and jeopardize the enjoyment of an entire B&B.

FWIW, I’m not sure feminine products do even large municipal sewer systems much good either, so maybe a large scale change in habits is in need. People are finally coming around on the danger of flushing old prescription drugs and chemicals, so maybe there is hope on this front too.

Here is one we have used for years, both at our former b&b and now in our rental cottage:

Like most rural dwellings, Ashwood Hill Cottage uses a septic tank for waste disposal. Since an upset in this system would give all of us indigestion, please help us keep it happy by refraining from flushing down the toilet any cloth, plastic or paper waste other than toilet tissue. Please use the bags we have provided for disposal of such items.

Thank you!

My husband made me a sign (which he threatens to add to, Burma-shave-style) for the garden… which has been known to be neglected…

I planted the flowers
God added the weeds
Who am I to argue
with Divine Intervention?

Sandee Wright, “Inngineer”
Timberwolf Creek B&B
Maggie Valley NC

From the St. George Hotel, Volcano, CA
All us folks with septic tanks
Would like to give a word of thanks
For putting nothing in the pot
That isn’t guaranteed to rot.
Kleenex is bad, dental floss too
Feminine products are taboo
With your kind cooperation
We’ll keep our tank in operation

From a B&B in Sharbot Lake, Ontario
Kleenex, matches, pins and strings,
Q-tips and other things,
Country plumbing will reject
So, urbanite – be circumspect
It’s all a bother and a care
But – oh, my dear – so necessaire!

Inn at Shallow Creek Farm, Orland, CA
Our plumbing is can”tank”erous so please do not flush anything but toilet paper.

Hummingbird Inn, Goshen, VA
Our septic tank system has a rather delicate disposition. Since a septic upset in would give us all indigestion, we request that you help us keep it happy by refraining from flushing down the toilet any cloth, plastic or paper waste other than toilet tissue. Please use the bags we have provided for disposal of such items. Thank you!